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Seduction Cinema presents
My Vampire Lover (2002)

"Yes, I yearn for lust and the taste of blood. And someone who can cook and clean for me."
- Monique (Paige Richards)

Review By: Rich Rosell   
Published: June 24, 2002

Stars: Paige Richards
Other Stars: Misty Mundae, Darian Caine, Katie Jordon, Allanah Rhodes, Syn DeVil, George Freeway, Pete Carlson, Brock Chopoli
Director: George Freeway

MPAA Rating: Not Rated for strong sexual content
Run Time: 01h:23m:07s
Release Date: June 25, 2002
UPC: 612385102691
Genre: late night


Style
Grade
Substance
Grade
Image Transfer
Grade
Audio Transfer
Grade
Extras
Grade
D DC-B C

DVD Review

After the almost artistic (in comparison) An Erotic Vampire in Paris from Donald Farmer, this latest cheapie bump-and-grinder from Seduction Cinema is a letdown. Directed by George Freeway, My Vampire Lover is another of the cookie-cutter lesbian romps that feature the usual suspects (Darian Caine, Misty Mundae, Allanah Rhodes, Katie Jordon, Syn DeVil, Paige Richards) stripping down and undulating around on each other in uninspired, not-rated soft core bliss for 85 minutes.

Monique (Richards) is a vampire, which we discover at the culmination of the eight-and-one-half minute "love scene" that opens the film. (For the curious, the cover art does not resemble Paige Richards, and to the best of my recollection she does not sport a gargoyle bra even once during this film.) Monique, who has trouble keeping a gal pal because she usually ends up biting them in the neck, is desperately looking for her soulmate; to expedite this situation she moves to the small town of Hooterville. It might be a small town, but women seem to want to disrobe at the drop of a hat, and Monique is quickly up to her bare boobs in gyrating womenfolk... I mean, victims.

A number of Seduction's "name" talent pops in for cameos, including Darian Caine as a plumber with really low riding pants, Misty Mundae as a Catholic schoolgirl (WOW!), Katie Jordon as a lusty politician, and Syn DeVil as a bi-curious neighbor. Director Freeway stages My Vampire Lover with the brashness of a porno, with very little in the way of expository sequence between the nudity. A minor subplot about a cable guy (Brock Chopoli) who discovers the vampire's secret is laughably acted, and comes across like something someone would improvise on video at a party after a few beers. Production values are minimalistic, at best, with a good number of the crew doubling as "actors." Even Freeway gets into the act by appearing onscreen as one half of the supposedly funny detective team of Neil and Bob (get it?).

Even Misty Mundae, decked out like a good little Catholic girl, couldn't inject any life into the comically wooden, all-girl body rubbing.

Rating for Style: D
Rating for Substance: D

 

Image Transfer

 One
Aspect Ratio1.33:1 - Full Frame
Original Aspect Rationo
Anamorphicno


Image Transfer Review: No noticeable specks or nicks on the 1.33:1 full-frame transfer, but since it was shot on video (on an apparently loooooow budget) image quality varies. Lighting is the source of some of the image issues, with a few of the scenes at the cable company looking exceptionally grainy; outside footage looks washed out and unnatural. Fleshtones look a little overexposed at times, and there isn't any real depth to the colors.

Image Transfer Grade: C-

 

Audio Transfer

 LanguageRemote Access
DS 2.0Englishno


Audio Transfer Review: No complaints on the serviceable 2.0 track, especially on a cheapo production like My Vampire Lover. Dialogue is audible (though not really needed for a film like this), and is presented with no significant hiss or distortion.

Audio Transfer Grade: B

 

Disc Extras

Static menu with music
Scene Access with 17 cues and remote access
1 Original Trailer(s)
8 Other Trailer(s) featuring Female Animal, Master's Plaything, Roxanna, Vampire Vixen, Erotic Witch Project 2, Play-Mate Of The Apes, Witchbabe, Mummy Raider
1 Deleted Scenes
1 Featurette(s)
Packaging: Amaray
Picture Disc
1 Disc
1-Sided disc(s)
Layers: single

Extras Review: As with most Seduction titles, the "extras" are really just more titillating random nudity. Here we have a 05m:37s deleted scene, entitled The Lap Dance, which features Paige Richard performing for a hapless victim. The standard Seduction Behind-the-Scenes (11m:32s) is a hodgepodge of oddball footage, mostly of the actresses strutting around nude. If you're expecting valuable production tidbits, look elsewhere.

There is also a batch of genre trailers (Female Animal, Master's Plaything, Roxanna, Vampire Vixen, Erotic Witch Project 2, Play-Mate Of The Apes, Witchbabe, Mummy Raider), as well as one for My Vampire Lover.

Extras Grade: C

 

Final Comments

Seduction Cinema hasn't built a fanbase on notably well-made films (though Mummy Raider and An Erotic Vampire in Paris are actually enjoyable), but rather on leering lesbian skin-on-skin sessions. Maybe I've seen too many of these Seduction releases, but I didn't find much here that was exceptionally erotic, and most of it was quite harshly lit. As much as I hate to admit it, this outing is an astonishingly lifeless batch of nude women thrusting themselves on each other. All except Misty, of course.

However, if the thought of extended simulated lesbian sex scenes gets your boat floating, then pull up to the dock.

 


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