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Miramax Pictures presents
The Osbournes: The Complete First Season (2002)

"I love you all. I love you more than life itself. But you're all f****** mad."
- Ozzy

Review By: Joel Cunningham  
Published: March 03, 2003

Stars: Ozzy Osbourne, Sharon Osbourne
Other Stars: Jack Osbourne, Kelly Osbourne, Minnie, Maggie, Crazy Baby, Pip, Martini Bianco, Puss, Lulu, Lola, Melinda Varga
Director: Various

MPAA Rating: Not Rated for (strong language)
Run Time: 03h:21m:29s
Release Date: March 04, 2003
UPC: 786936215151
Genre: television


Style
Grade
Substance
Grade
Image Transfer
Grade
Audio Transfer
Grade
Extras
Grade
A AB-B- B

DVD Review

In the last year, the Osbournes have been so overexposed in the media (even warranting a guest spot for Jack on Dawson's Creek and a cameo by the family in Austin Powers in Goldmember) it's easy to forget that all the fuss and furor started over one little TV show on MTV. The concept was simpleóreveal the wacky workings of a rock star family by sticking a camera crew in their house for a few months. Ozzy Osbourne seemed like as good a choice as any, a waning superstar most widely known for biting the head off of a bat onstage (and various drug-induced outbursts, including an attempt to kill wife Sharon). But what the camera actually captured was an extraordinary family leading a rather ordinary life.

Sure, Sharon and Ozzy's kids, 15-year-old Jack and 16-year-old Kelly, have license to party and go to clubs all night, and don't have to go to school, but they do squabble like all siblings (Kelly especially loves her freakouts, which her parents have dubbed "wobblers"), chiding each other one minute and showing unguarded affection the next. Sharon and Ozzy are a loveable couple. She's his manager, and the one who keeps him together. When he says that he'd be nothing without her, we believe it. After all, he can barely get out a coherent sentence, let alone plan a tour. Much praise goes to the MTV editors, who shift around footage to create "bits" and transform the daily dealings of the family into the funniest sit-com on television.

The Osbournes does much to dispel the myths of fame and celebrity and wealth. We see that even a rich family deals with the typical family problems. Even Ozzy has to clean dog poop off the antique rugs (a risk when you have no less than seven little yappy dogs). The kids are obstinate and rebellious, dad is a little clueless, and mom is the real head of the household.

This set includes all ten episodes of the series' first season.

Episode 1: There Goes the Neighborhood
Originally aired 3/5/2002

"I'm Ozzy Osborne's wife. Now shut the f*** up and go to bed." -Sharon

We are introduced to our favorite family as they are moving into their new digs in Beverly Hills. Watch as Ozzy, Jack, Sharon, and Kelly (and about 73 dogs) adjust to their new surroundings. We meet Melinda, Jack and Sharon's nanny, who is the worst nanny ever. She tries to get Jack to listen to her, but he just tells her to shut it ("Get a real job."). Ozzy appears on The Tonight Show and Leno reveals that his nephew is a 28-year-old tool who wants Ozzy to sign his CD with "Stay cool." Ozzy tries to watch himself on the fancy new TV but can work the remote. Kelly and Jack argue like the siblings they are, and Michael the security guard asks Sharon to feel his blood clot.

The premiere is good, but the show gets so much better, so it only earns 3.5 expletives.




Episode 2: Bark at the Moon
Originally aired 3/12/2002

"I'm not picking up another turd. I'm a rock star." -Ozzy

This is the funniest episode of the season for me, if only because it hits so close to home. The Osbournes have to deal with their troublesome brood of pets, who all seem to have skipped that essential stage of development known as "housebreaking." Lola, the big bulldog, is a terror, chewing up the furniture and leaving poop "aliens" (™ Sharon) all over the house. Sharon calls in a pet psychiatrist (Ozzy: "She's a fruitcake"), who sweet-talks the dog and says she'll get to the root of the problem. As she's leaving, Lola pees on the rug as way of saying goodbye. I love watching a rock megastar pouring the same anti-stain stuff on the carpet as I do when our cats have accidents. Also, the beginning of the episode is a shout-out to me, because the Osbournes and I have the same vacuum, and we both had trouble figuring out how to turn it on. Thanks, Hoover. Features a guest appearance from Elijah Wood.

I know when I catch the cats peeing on the carpet, I swear a lot, so this one earns a full 5 expletives.




Episode 3: Like Father, Like Daughter
Originally aired 3/19/2002

Kelly: It's a hippie camp. They make you, like, feed a tree before you feed yourself.
Ozzy: How the f*** do you feed a tree? What... you put a ham sandwich on the tree?

Ozzy has a new album coming out, so he goes on a promotional tour, hitting Tower Records and Loveline (where he reveals that he tried Viagra, and while he was waiting for it to kick in, Sharon fell asleep). Meanwhile, Jack is sent off to a "hippie" summer camp which, in sullen teen fashion, he will do his best to dislike. The family reunites for Kelly's birthday party, which has a Goth theme (no!) and is followed by Kelly's "rebellious" decision to be a "non-conformist" and get a tattoo of a heart. Ozzy and Sharon, annoyed by noisy neighbors, start throwing things at them, like a rancid ham and some logs. Sharon: "Ozzy, not the wood, you could be picked up for manslaughter!"

4 expletives.



Episode 4: Live and Let Die
Originally aired 3/26/2002

"Darling, the Wicked Witch has nothing on me." -Sharon

Who would think the Osbournes would be the ones complaining about noisy neighbors? Sharon is fed up with them playing their loud music and threatening Ozzy, so she starts screeching at them, and she's scary. In an amusing bit, Kelly whines because her sister Aimee (not on the show) has booked her a visit with the "vagina doctor," prompting her to exclaim, "My teeth, my car, my vagina, my business!" Ozzy taking out the trash is funnier than an entire season of America's Funniest Home Videos.

If you get on Sharon's bad side, she'll shout a lot more than 4.5 expletives at you. Heck, she'll do that if you're on her good side.




Episode 5: Tour of Duty
Originally aired 4/2/2002

"Bubbles? Oh come on, Sharon, I'm f****** Ozzy Osbourne, the Prince of f****** Darkness. Evil, evil? What's f****** evil about bubbles?" -Ozzy

Ozzy and Sharon work out the details of his upcoming tour. This includes the filming of a Moulin Rouge-style video (Ozzy makes a good Christina), the hiring of a Santa on heroin, and a debate about the terror potential of a bubble machine. Kelly goes on a spending spree and thinks she has lost her dad's credit card, prompting the wobbler to end all wobblers.

4.5 expletives and one scary Santa.




Episode 6: Break a Leg
Originally aired 4/9/2002

"F****** kids." -Ozzy

Ozzy hurts his leg and has to cancel the rest of his tour. This leaves him at home to witness the chaos his offspring have caused. Late night parties, messy teens, casual nudity... these kids need structure! The clan decides to hold a family meeting, which turns out to be really ineffectual and a little depressing, as Kelly basically states that she can't be expected to follow the rules when her daddy is a rock star and she was raised so differently from other kids.

Watching the family fight isn't as inspiring as watching them goof. 3.5 expletives.




Episode 7: On the Road
Originally aired 4/16/2002

"Thanksgiving means f***-all to me!" -Ozzy

In a heart-warming episode that makes up for all the fighting in the last show, Ozzy, his foot semi-healed, goes back on the road, leaving the family at home. They decide to surprise him on his birthday by sneaking into Chicago and planning a party. His reaction when he sees them is quite endearing, and the family's affection for one another is never clearer than in the scenes of Ozzy opening presents from his kids (hey, Jack got him DVDs!).

What do you get the Prince of Darkness for his birthday? Don't swear, you'll think of something. 4 expletives.




Episode 8: No Vacancies
Originally aired 4/23/2002

"When that f****** bulldog unloads, you've got to get an earthmover and a f****** gas mask to go in the kitchen. It's like f****** plutonium turds." -Ozzy

The Osbourne house is thrown into upheaval (well, more so) when Jack's annoying friend Jason (a pro skateboarder) moves in and starts causing problems, making a mess, setting things on fire, and generally playing the role of the worst tenant in the world (and he isn't even paying rent). It's funny watching Sharon get more and more agitated with Jason while Ozzy remains oblivious.

Uninvited houseguests can trigger a burst of obscenities. 5 expletives.




Episode 9: A Very Ozzy Christmas
Originally aired 4/30/2002

"Merry Christmas, baby. Another f****** year. I adore you, sweetheart. Now, f***off." -Ozzy

As the Osbournes celebrate Christmas, they learn that one of their roadies managed to overturn a tour bus while on the receiving end of a prostitute special. Yet they're still a regular family, bickering and fighting and trying to just have a nice, peaceful Christmas. Ozzy brags about his gravy-making skills ("International rock star, gravy-maker extraordinaire."), and the security guard is arrested for breaking into a neighbor's home while the family is away. Ozzy dances along with his James Brown doll. Hee.

Ring in the New Year with lots of swearing. 4 expletives.




Episode 10: Dinner with Ozzy
Originally aired 5/7/2002

Jack: You laughed when I got smacked in the face with a baseball bat!
Kelly: Because it was funny!

The final episode of the season features a nice sit-down with Ozzy, who is served a fancy dinner (I love his weird looks as he tries to figure out the fancy dishes) and chats for the camera about the life of a death rocker. Intercut are random scenes of his family that didn't fit into the narrative of the other episodes, including a funny conversation between Jack and Kelly about an unfortunate BB gun incident in their past ("It was like I threw a rock at you. A fast-moving rock."). The show ends with an upbeat musical montage of the family goofing around. It's amazing how endearing they've become in only a few hours of footage. Let's hope they remain as genuine throughout season two.

4.5 expletives for the season ender. Don't get too steamed, they'll be back on the next DVD set!



Rating for Style: A
Rating for Substance: A

 

Image Transfer

 One
Aspect Ratio1.33:1 - Full Frame
Original Aspect Ratioyes
Anamorphicno


Image Transfer Review: When your source material is all video, there's only so much you can expect, image-wise. The Osbournes doesn't really look goodócolors are a little washed-out, and detail could be better. Black level is also fairly inadequate. At the same time, it is difficult to fault Miramax for the quality, since this is exactly how the show looks on TV, and about the best it could look.

Image Transfer Grade: B-

 

Audio Transfer

 LanguageRemote Access
DS 2.0Englishyes


Audio Transfer Review: Audio is very basic. Speech and music is confined to the front soundstage and presented very simply, with no directionality. Speech is always audible (even if Ozzy is often unintelligible), and there is no distracting background hiss.

Audio Transfer Grade: B-

 

Disc Extras

Full Motion menu with music
Scene Access with 65 cues and remote access
Subtitles/Captions in English with remote access
9 Feature/Episode commentaries by Sharon and Jack Osbourne
Weblink/DVD-ROM Material
Packaging: 2 disc slip case
Picture Disc
2 Discs
1-Sided disc(s)
Layers: dual

Extra Extras:
  1. Unaired Footage
  2. Too Oz for TV Blooper Reel, Ozzy's Ten Commandments
  3. Interviews with the Osbournes
  4. Season Highlights
  5. Ozzy Translator, 3 Set Top Games
Extras Review: Miramax has really done a nice job with this set, and there's enough here to keep fans of the Osbournes happy for quite a while, from the menus to the DVD-ROM features. Speaking of the menus, there's new footage of the family watching the DVD on their television. Most of the extras are housed on disc two, but disc one has some worthy bits. Each episode can be watched a number of ways. There is optional commentary on the first nine episodes from Jack and Sharon, who don't offer a lot of real information, but they do reminisce in an entertaining fashion (though I was greatly disturbed to learn that the family's cats were poisoned or killed by the neighbors, prompting Jack to comment that he'll "kill their children"). Another option is the Ozzy Translator, an Ozzy-specific subtitle track that is a great help in interpreting just what the heck he's on about (with cute little graphics to boot).

Disc one also includes the Osbournes Bingo game, another subtitle track that features pictures of various objects throughout the show, corresponding to a set of bingo cards that can be printed out (provided you have a DVD-ROM drive).

Disc two holds everything else, and happily, there are no fluffy PR features. This is all solid, worthwhile material. Best are the reels of unaired footage, broken down by episode. Shows two through ten each feature a few minutes of gags and jokes that, for whatever reason, weren't edited into the original airings. It's pretty funny stuff, more often than not. The Too Oz for TV reel promises scandalous material, but it's really a blooper reel full of camera crew gaffs and the family mugging for the crew. My favorite bit? One of the cameramen walking through the house, accidentally stepping on the cat's tail (out of frame) and apologizing. Hee.

Stories of Season One is a fairly extensive, nearly 40-minute interview gallery with the family. They speak on many topics, from the media fervor surrounding the show to the difficulty of living with cameras in their faces for months. Their comments are divided into "Family Values," "Ozzfest," "Life on the Set," and the brief "Untold Story from Michael the Security Guard." Top Moments is a season best-of, with clips for the family and Lola the dog. Finally, Ozzy's Ten Commandments is a funny rant from Dad about living the life of a rock star ("Popcorn! Popcorn!").

There is an additional game, the cleverly animated, totally nauseating "Name that Dookie. Test your Osbournes trivia by trying to match the poopie with the puppy that produced it. There is an edit-a-scene workshop quite similar to what has been featured on other discs (I found it just as pointless here). The DVD-ROM features include another game, an episode guide, and web links.

Extras Grade: B

 

Final Comments

"I'm not proud of everything I've done. I'm not proud of having a poor education. I'm not proud of being dyslexic. I'm not proud of being an alcoholic drug addict. I'm not proud of biting the head off a bat. I'm not proud of having attention deficit disorder. But I'm a real guy. To be Ozzy Osbourne, it could be worse. I could be Sting." -Ozzy

Yeah, a show about Sting's family wouldn't be half as entertaining. The Osbournes is brilliant reality television. It holds a mirror up to our precepts about fame and family, and reveals that, in the end, we're all the same, from my family, to your family, to the family headed up by the Prince of Darkness. Factor in the randy language and all the pets, and you've got the makings for the best sit-com on television.

 


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