Seduction Cinema presents

Lord of the G-Strings: The Femaleship of the String (2002)

"It was many ages ago, in a shire known as Throbbiton, that a Throbbit named Dildo Saggins would become bearer of the G-String."- Dildo Saggins (Misty Mundae)

Stars: Misty Mundae, Darian Caine, AJ Khan
Other Stars: Michael R. Thomas, Anoushka, Barbara Joyce, Allanah Rhodes, Ruby LaRocca, Paige Richards, Kelli Summers, John Link
Director: Terry M. West

MPAA Rating: Not Rated for nudity and strong sexual content
Run Time: 01h:38m:19s
Release Date: 2003-03-25
Genre: late night

Style Grade	Substance Grade	Image Transfer Grade	Audio Transfer Grade	Extras Grade
B+	B+	B	B	B+

 

DVD Review

In the early days of Seduction Cinema releases, the general rule of thumb was minimal plot and maximum soft-core lesbianism. It's niche filmmaking, to be sure, but over the course of a number of low-budget and campy titles, the studio has managed to not only build a stable of familiar, recurring talent (led by the one and only Misty Mundae, Darian Caine, and Barbara Joyce), but has slowly and steadily increased the quality of the material; earlier releases had more of a seen-one-seen-'em-all feel. The films still have plenty of attractive nude women performing pelvic grinding and sensual tongue baths on each other, but in between the simulated sex there has been a marked improvement in the caliber of the humor and, to some degree, the production values.

With Hobbit-fever in full burn, Seduction has dished out a fairly silly, sexy film parody, Terry M. West's Lord of the G-Strings: The Femaleship of the String. As you might expect, the story loosely parallels The Lord of the Rings, or at least as much as you can in a little over 90 minutes, in between a batch of woman-on-woman-on-woman sex scenes. I'm a Middle Earth aficionado, but Tolkien himself had some admittedly funny-sounding names in his books, and that makes it pretty easy for West to parody in his version; the world of Diddle Earth is threatened unless horny young Throbbit Dildo Saggins (Mundae) can toss the legendary G-String, forged by the always topless Horspank (Paige Richards), back into the Party-Pooper Volcano. It might not be high-brow stuff, but if you're in the right frame of mind it is kind of funny, especially within the context of the film.

When we first meet them, Dildo and fellow sultry Throbbit Spam (AJ Khan) are doing a crazed table dance atop a wobbly picnic table like they're the entertainment at an out-of-control biker bash. After receiving the mysterious, loin-controlling G-String from drunken wizard Smirnoff (Michael R. Thomas), Dildo is joined on her sapphic quest by fellow Throbbits Horny (Darian Caine) and Spam, and eventually by displaced Queen Araporn (Barbara Joyce). Along the way, there are clothing-free stops in all sorts of vaguely familiar Diddle Earth locales, like the Lothlorien-inspired Los Lesbius, while Smirnoff confronts the gassy evil wizard Sourasse, who unleashes the Dutch Oven of Doom.

Writer/director West is really turning into the studio's "go to" guy, and while his smirky stab at all things Tolkien is completely goofy and juvenile, as a sex-fueled B-movie parody it is consistently funny and, above all, enjoyably corny. At time all of the flagrant nudity and casual groping actually gets in the way of West's better comedic elements, such as Michael R. Thomas' hilarious performance as the dirty-old-man-drunken-wizard Smirnoff, who gets to toss out American Pie and Monty Python references amidst a ton of leering, unfulfilled come-ons to young Dildo Saggins.

From a completely prurient level, Lord of the G-Strings is one of the better balanced of the recent Seduction titles, where sex and humor naturally come together (so to speak). Donald Glut's recent Mummy's Kiss, while maybe not as purely comic, was also able to introduce the sex scenes in a relatively seamless manner, also. In West's film, marquee darlings Misty Mundae and Darian Caine prove themselves to be getting increasingly more at ease delivering sarcastic comedic dialogue, and of course their required dalliances showcase their, ahem, other talents even more admirably.

Rating for Style: B+
Rating for Substance: B+

 

Image Transfer

	One
Aspect Ratio	1.33:1 - Full Frame
Original Aspect Ratio	no
Anamorphic	no

Image Transfer Review: Another indicator that Seduction is evolving for the better is that they are slowly moving away from shooting their productions solely on video. This feature was shot on film, and the overall quality of the 1.33:1 fullframe transfer gives the proceedings a more legitimate B-movie feel, and less like a soft-core adult flick shot in a hotel room. Colors are evenly balanced, though the palette isn't particularly bright and vivid. Even the night scenes look very respectable, as the big campfire orgy sequence illustrates fairly well.

Image Transfer Grade: B
 

Audio Transfer

	Language	Remote Access
DS 2.0	English	no

Audio Transfer Review: The 2.0 stereo track is suitable for West's cornball dialogue, especially the always funny drunken ramblings of Smirnoff the wizard. The track isn't especially bold or expansive, but the material sounds just fine as is.

Audio Transfer Grade: B 

Disc Extras

Static menu with music
Scene Access with 29 cues and remote access
1 Original Trailer(s)
8 Other Trailer(s) featuring An Erotic Vampire In Paris, Gladiator Eroticus, Satan's School for Lust, Misty Mundae Mummy Raider, Erotic Survivor, Play-mate of the Apes, Lustful Addictions, Spider-Babe
2 Documentaries
1 Featurette(s)
Packaging: Amaray
Picture Disc
1 Disc
1-Sided disc(s)
Layers: single

Extra Extras:

1. Punch The Clown music video

Extras Review: The quality of the films are getting better from Seduction, and so are the supplementals. For a fun, casual look at the making of a low-budget B-movie, the Lords of the G-Strings documentary (57m:50s) features sound bites, shot during production, from Terry M. West, Paige Richards, Darian Caine, Anoushka, Michael R. Thomas, and even the stunt guys, as well as plenty of behind-the-scenes footage. West spends quite a bit of time talking at depth about the difficulty in planning and organizing the shoot, like the hassles of 50 degree temperatures during the campfire orgy scene. Fun stuff, and after watching this, I was left with unmistakable urge to knock back a few cold ones with Darian Caine. The girl seems completely unhinged.

The Behind the Scenes segment (37m:55s) is more of the same, only less structured. It's Seduction's usual dosage of miscellaneous background footage, and naturally features a healthy amount of nudity.

There is an easy to find easter egg entitled Missing Link: Interview with John Link (06m:52s), and this is a series of meandering, semi-serious comments from the Seduction vet, who in this film plays the Gollum-esque Ballem.

An added bonus is the low-rent, but mercilessly peppy, music video from the now disbanded Punch The Clown, for their No Doubt/California ska pop song Love James. I'm not sure why it was included here, but it's not the worse thing I've ever seen or heard.

The disc is cut into 29 chapters, and also includes the usual vault of skin-heavy Seduction trailers. The high point here is the amazing preview for Terry M. West's next Misty Mundae project, entitled Spider-Babe. I can't wait.

Extras Grade: B+
 

Final Comments

I don't know what it says about me, but it is like some kind of weird, nerdy fanboy fantasy come true to combine both the joys of Tolkien and Misty Mundae into one project. Terry M. West should be high-fived until his hand bleeds for the fun way he mixed corny humor and girl-girl softcore sex into the sophomoric Lord of the G-Strings.

It is a low-brow, smutty good time.

Recommended.

Rich Rosell 2003-04-08